Monday

So far today has not been my day. I have misplaced some fabric and WIPs and have a dead car battery. The car battery is the bulk of my concern.. hoping I just need a jump. It's my fault, and it pushes my errands back.
 (blows hair out her face in frustration)... grounded again.

Now on to the next thing...

I got a thumb drive for the holidays! I've already used it.. what did you think I'd wait? No, it is meant to be used. I also got a jacket, a puffy vest, and an electric blanket for my car. I am most excited about the thumb drive. Here are some photos that have now been set free from my camera:

Recipe #1- Turkey and Potatoes

This is my first publishing a recipe. I come up with them all the time, but I don't do anything with them. I'm changing that. Call it an early step to my new year's resolution, which is to more proactive about my interests. So here goes.

This is my version of turkey and potatoes. This can be done either with help from the store or from scratch. Your preference.

You will need:
Turkey breast- enough to feed everyone whose going to eat it
Dry rub- store bought or home made
Mashed Potatoes- store bought or from scratch (click here for my suggested recipe)
Eggs- at least one per person

Cut the turkey breast into approximately 1 inch cubes. Put into a bowl and sprinkle the dry rub mix over top. Mix it up, add more mix if you need it. You can let this sit for as long as overnight before cooking. Now add to a pan with 1 tablespoon butter or oil. Cook thoroughly. Then remove from heat and set aside.
In separate pot, make the mashed potatoes (if making from scratch you should start the potatoes first).
In yet another pan, or the same one as the turkey if you chose to remove the turkey all together) cook the eggs to each persons preference. I like mine sunny side up or over easy.

To assemble: place potatoes at the bottom, then top with turkey. Place eggs on top or to the side.

There you have it. I'll post a photo as soon as possible.

Main Street

I am Main Street America. I am one of the many working to make passions everyday reality. Turning dreams into the American Dream. That's me. I am Today, Tomorrow, and Yesterday. I represent America in the best way possible. I struggle and succeed or fail, but I don't go down without a fight. I am a mother doing the best for her child. I am a wife trying to balance life in and out of the home. I laugh, I love, I live. I cry, I scream, I fall. I get back up, I suck it up, I move on. 


This is my declaration of America. I am Main Street America.

Thinking Ahead

I'm thinking ahead more and more. About the things I really want to do and how the get there. About the other things that I long for (read: baby # 2, maybe #3) and how it's all supposed to go together.  I'm starting the settling process of my role at the Studio and Boutique. Not to saw it's a huge part. I imagine I'm rather insignificant in the grand scheme of things. But it's letting me in on my possible future as a small business owner.
I spent part of my day researching possible sources for 'my store'. Thanks to the Travel Channel. I'm a big fan of the Travel Channel. I live vicariously through since I'm not able to travel much myself. I also really love Discovery Channel. But anyway, it (mean thinking about 'my store') makes me excited nervous and scared. But I'm not going to think too much about it. Really. I mean it. I am going to turn my brain off to the what ifs and just surrender, accept the right now and move one. I am working on the positive thinking thing. I have made my little bit of progress and I'll keep making it. I don't have all the answers yet, but I will.

In crafty news, I finished a couple loop scarves. I plan to make a few more and then do some long skinny styles. I need to look at a few patterns for inspiration for the long skinny style. I have an idea for them, but I'm stewing on it.

Voila Boutique

This is the new home of my craft products! I'm thrilled to be in a physical store. A place where people can walk in, try the stuff on, see different ways of wearing it, to touch. And the convenience of it is unbeatable! It's in the foyer of Studio Blue, where I teach Intermediate Aerial once a weak. I'm so happy with how things are starting to go! It's a step closer to where I want to be. Each step helps.

To my man.

Thank You. You are the one who makes all the difference. With you in my life I can do anything. You are the one who stood with me through all my insanity and wild moments. You are the one who still stands with me. Look how far we've come! It makes me so grateful for you and it makes me want to spit on all the naysayers. Where are they? Where are we? You have given me all the things that matter most: truth, beauty, freedom, love, hope, loyalty, courage, dreams, belief, grace. You have given me the white picket fence without the literal white picket fence.  I love you because you are man enough to let me be myself. I don't just need to be with you, I want to. I think that means more.

Earlier than expected

I had this idea for my blog next year.  But let me start with the beginning. I ordered the Stitch-a-Day Calendar from Vogue Knitting and love everything about it. After watching an ad on the TV for the movie Julia +Julie (which I still haven't seen), I go to thinking about doing something similar. For those who don't know the movie is about a woman who cooks her way through Julia Childs cook book and blogs about it. I love cooking, but not that much. Then I thought about my new calendar. I could do that. I doubt that I'll stitch up every pattern, but I planned to make a scarf or cowl with as many of the patterns as I could do (minus cables.. I'm not into cables, or bobbles). I had originally sought to start on January 1st and photograph my progress and the page of the calendar.  Well my plan may be moved up... or I may have to do a variation thereof. Why? Because I just got an offer that would mean getting paid to make what I already make by a local boutique. Exciting!  I'm supposed to meet with the owner either today or tomorrow, I think..... I'm waiting for her phone call or text... I don't like waiting for phone calls.
I' going to take some time to think about how I want to approach my 'project' for 2010.

Baby, it's cold outside...

Good Godzilla! There is some serious snow falling right now. I'm sick of it already. I like snow for the winter solstice but aside from that I could do without it. It makes me dread driving.
I started my first online class this week for the next 6 weeks. I'm not sure that I'm into it, especially since it's for one of my design courses. In my own opinion, that needs to be more hands on. Oh, well.

December 12th. I'm performing at Studio Blue, 2440 Washington Blvd Ogden. I hope everything is received well. We're not going to the traditional route (not that we would anyway) but I don't know. I'm excited and nervous, and a bunch of other feelings that may or may not be due to the show. I'm doing a pole routine, not aerial, this time. I'm out of practice with it... so I'm going to do a lot more floor work, much more sensually based not so much tricks. Hmmm... is there anything else new? Oh, I start teaching Intermediate Aerial next week. I'm really excited about that.

In my crafty news, I have a bunch of photos that I can't wait to show you. Still missing a USB cord or data port.  Let's hope Saturday goes well enough for me to get one or the other. I have another insane Saturday. Practice at 10am, Silks on the Street at 1pm (weather pending), Bar tending at 3pm, Show at 9:30pm-10pm. Yep. It's nuts. Add to that all the homework I have that's all due by 11:59pm of that same day. Why do I do this to myself?


Can this be me? Please... only brunette and nearly naked?

Tweet

I downloaded tweetdeck. I like that it centralized my social network accounts.

In other crafty news, I got more photos done. I have really work on anything, but I planning to since I have free time till Monday. I have really busy Saturday. Aerial Show, Taboo Practice, and Bartending a Banquet  all back to back. Sorry this is so short, but I'm trying to get a lot done before practice tonight.

Thinking and Thinking Again and Again

I'm not always talking, but I'm always thinking. It's what I do best.... I may have an idea on raising money to get my store front... but I don't know how to get it going and not lose my head.

Addiction

I am truly addicted to performing. It is my greatest high. I love all creativity, but being on stage dancing is unlike anything else on earth. Which is good, because I'm going to be doing it a lot in the next while. Adult Dance and Fitness has moved to a brand new building on Washington Boulevard in Ogden. It's got a great exterior: blue black and silver in an art deco style. It's prompted a name change. They are now Studio Blue, but the name change won't be official on paper work till 2011. They now have 2 pole rooms, the main dance floor, a tanning bed, and a small fitness room (think treadmill, stationary bike, and elliptical). I love it. And they have expanded the retail shop as well.

Not me, Becca the Amazing... I'd like it to be me though.

In part to gain business there will be aerial shows on the street from 1pm to 2pm on Saturdays. Unless there is a parade or other event, then we will do shows before and after for sidewalk traffic. Considering the upcoming weather.... I'm nervous about the cold. I was nervous about forgetting how to do things, but it came back to me rather quickly. Also, Taboo Burlesque will have a show on December 12th. I let you know the details as they come.

The latest...

So far so good in school, finished my second project today. Which is good since it's due tomorrow. I'm actually pretty happy with it, a poster that advertises Taboo's 2 shows in December... which leads to my newest project. One of the other girls in the group and I have been given the responsibility of choreographing and organizing the next show on the 12th of December. I'm excited and maybe slightly overwhelmed. Only because I was surprised with it. Once I get going I'll be fine.
I'm moving out of my small project phase... just need to photograph them and get them loaded up on Etsy. I am very behind on that... need a USB cord for it, my camera that is.. did I go over this already? I think so.
At any rate, I got some sewing done over the weekend. Nothing worth bragging about, but I'm glad I got something done. I'm going to try and focus on my Etsy shop getting updated. I believe that's all for now.

Hooray

I finished my first graphic design project today.. which is good since it's due tomorrow. I'm quite proud of it. I'll try and get some photos of it up.
On the photography note... my friend the photographer, Rob Oliver, gave me the awesome gift of 2 new compact flash cards and 3 sets of rechargeable batteries for my camera!!! I'm so happy about that... I just wish I could plug my cards straight into my laptop..... at the moment I'm stuck with going to my mom's and then a) download to her PC then email to myself, b) download to her PC and the burn images to CD, c) buying a data port so I can download to data using my mom's PC, or d) buying a new USB cord that fits my camera to get direct contact from camera to laptop. I like the last 2 options best, but since my money situation is questionable.... (blows bangs out of face) I don't know what to do... that's my general feeling at the moment.
Oh, yes, my thumb is still clothed in a makeshift bandage. But I still have use of it... kinda... it's feels funny when I knit or crochet. I have plans to sew tonight... let's see how that goes.

Of all the luck..

I have amazing skill. I managed to crank out a bunch of pullip beanies and scarves and one woman's beanie over the past couple days, and then all day I'm been to internet stuff. Well, here's where the talent steps in, while preping a cornish game hen for the oven I sliced my thumb. So now I have this makeshift bandage on my left thumb ( I have no band-aids) and still have to finish the meal, finish my computer work and I want to try and finish some more beanies.

I decided to put my big WIPs on hold so I could focus on quick projects. I pretty sure I'm going to be in a beanie fit for the next little while, then I'll get back to my big WIPs.

I started another blog... it'll be the home of my other writings. Poems, prose, essays.... you get the idea, whereas this will remain my online journal.

Is this thing on?

I've been at home for most of today, and I had every intention of getting some serious work done. Do some photography, do homework (I will do that, but it may have to wait till Eryn goes to bed), finish the last strap for that tie back on my knit loomed vest, and get started on some small drawstring or tote bags (haven't completely decided on which to make). But then both sets of batteries for my camera were apparently dead... I could have swore I charged both sets fully. I also decided that I need a second or third compact flash card for my camera. And honestly demotivated me. Then I got distracted with everything under the sun other than what would have been productive. Go figure.  So in lieu of very current photos here are some of the Pullip beanies I made. These will be available on Etsy once I have all the photos I need.

More pics from my hub page review

Plymouth Yarn 

Baby Alpaca Grand Tweed

I wrote a review of this yarn at HubPages. I made a poncho/wrap from it. But I at current don't have pics of me wearing it yet. Working on that promise. I'm actually wanting to improve photography skills. I pretty good at somethings but way below par on most things. Mind you, I took one year of photography in high school, but ended up the T.A. (teacher's aide for those who don't know) for the last half of it and didn't have to pay attention to anything.

Sorry for the funny layout. It just kinda happened. I'm nearly finished with a knit loomed vest. I'm really excited about it, I chose an acrylic boucle from Bernat. I've had the yarn laying around for what must be close to 2 years, not know what to do with it. Then I saw something on Etsy that inspired me. Now I plan on making a bunch, with lots of variations. Hopefully I'll have a few for the Farmer's Market next year.

Wednesday

I'm about to dye my hair and thinking that I shouldn't have put it off till now. I always do though.... put off dyeing my hair that is. I'm going a little redder than I have before and darker. At the moment my favorite hair dye company is Garnier. They're 100% Color line is great, and intense. I chose #460, the new Deep Auburn. I think I'll alternate this one with another one of they're shades (#556, mahogany red brown). The way I dye tends to be the trick to getting the color I like and get complimented on.
 In other news, my current crochet project is going to be much bigger than I originally thought it would be. So is my current knit project come to think of it. Okay I'm going to dye my hair now, really.

Thinking and Thinking

I'm looking for inspiration. To find a way to make what I love all go together. I watched Randy Pausch's Last Lecture and it has me thinking. I want my cake and to clean the plate. I don't have all the pieces yet, but when I get them will I know how they fit? Or do I have them already and just can't find the edge and corner pieces to build inward. I don't have the answer.  This is of a more serious note since this is my current state of mind and I've been distracted with a lot of things for the last little while. I'm not always talking, but I'm always thinking.

Taboo Show

The show is tonight and I'm not sure how I feel about it exactly. I do love performing, but it seems weird. Maybe it's because I've had less than a week to get it together. I'll let you guys know what conclusion I come to later. We have a one hour run thru and then decorating. The show I believe is at 11pm.

And the story for today is

I don't really know if there is much to tell. I am busy this week. I've had 3 dance practices this week so far, a rehearsal today at 6, with show scheduled for 10pm or 11pm. I'm bartending at a banquet dinner Saturday. And I don't know whether or not there is another practice on Sunday, since we now have 2 shows set for December at the new studio location. Oh, and I need to squeeze in homework that's due Monday. At the moment though I'm sitting at Great Harvest Breads sipping mocha coffee on 25th St with my daughter wandering around in her pumpkin costume. There is random music playing that I've never heard of. I'm sitting at a table shaped like a peach half with high backed wood chairs. It's kind of chilly in here actually. Probably a reflection of the declining temperature outside. I should get going soon, but I don't think I want to yet.

I'm hoping to get some photos posted up here soon, but I need to get a new USB port or burn the photos onto a CD before I can upload them.... maybe get a data port? I know I need a new mouse.  My Mac doesn't have a slot for a compact flash card.

New Laptop

It's a MacBook Pro. I'm really excited about it. I'm still gonna have to use my folks computer for somethings, but I'm excited to have internet access more than at their house or at school.

If goes as planned..

I will have my new laptop tomorrow. Thrilling! Then I won't be as dependant on other people's computers. Printing will be the only thing that I'll have to rely on others for.
In other news, apparently Taboo is back together. Even though I wasn't sure we even officially disbanded, life just got in the way. There are a few last minute practices before we're doing a show on Friday. I foundout about this Sunday. Talk about short notice. I'm not complaining just a little overwhelmed.
In yarn news, I've picked out my next review yarn. I've been working with it a little bit at a time during the week. At currently I have 2 crohcet projects, 1 knitted, and 1 on my knitting loom. I'm quite happy with this as I'm making decnt progress on all of them in betweenn homework, house work, and work. There are some changes at work now. I'm not cocktailing, instead I'm learning to bartend at banquets at the hotel that the bar(s) are in. Which is fine with me, bartenders tend to make more money anyway. That's the update thus far.

Reality vs Perception

Somehow, I was thinking that I was posting more than I acutally have been. How I tricked myseolf into thinking this I am not quite sure. Frankly though, I am not going to ask. I seem to be all over the place mentally. I'm not even sure how I managed to stay focused long enough to finish my homework and online test. I'm happy to say that I finished it though.
I'm looking for additional work now, since I'm just cocktailing Sunday's at Fahrenheit. It gives me plenty of time with my family and homework and to focus on my business, but it's hurting the bank balance.. a lot. I'm choosing not to be stressed about it, but it's hard. I still don't know what to do about getting traffic to my online store. If anyone has any advice, I'll take it. I know right now I'm tentatively planning on doing th farmer's market next year. I was going to apply for this year, but that just didn't end up happening. I'm hoping to email a few people and get some help. so wish me luck.

New Class

I started my second module of school. I still find it hard to believe that I'm a student again and that I've commited myself to this for at least 20 months. I'll be glad when I start feeling integrated. I've always been on the outside... on the outskirts of fitting in. One of the reasons I've worked in bars on and off since I was 21. For the most part I fit right in.
On a brighter note I'm taking more time to work on my craft(s), always something new. Don't know if this mod will leave me with the same kind of time. Day one and already I have like 3 assignments all due at different times. I won't give up though. I need to make time for yarn or fabric or paper everyday. I can't not make things. I have more photos to post, both here and to add items to my store, but I don't think I have time today. I think it'll be easier once I get my laptop (fingers crossed) in a couple weeks.
I want to start writing agsin (poetry that is) maybe even making art books with them. I say a short clip on book art and book artists. I want to learn more... but where? I'll figure it out.

Ravelry

I noticed that I am very behind in updateing my ravelry page and probably all the other miscellaneous web pages I'm affiliated with. Amazing.. no. Quite frankly I'm not surprised at all. Disappointed yes. I want to say that I'm going to get cracking (snapping as it's photos I need to be taking and uploading) but I'm not so confident that I will. School in now on my plate and I'm still working 2 jobs on the weekends for now. My days off aren't really days off... I run errands, go grocery shopping, pay bills, working on the actual product not the marketing of it. But I don't know how to get my stuff out there... any ideas?

And the results are in

No not really. I'm feeling overwhelmed by everything I'm involved in.... School, to work, to businesses, to mom and wife, and feeling like a really shitty friend to a couple people. Not to mention that I somehow ended up caught in the middle of hearing to many sides of the same story and getting told 'don't tell them I said this, but'......really? why me? I'm still doing research for the lastest business venture... and we may have an investor.... maybe.

Finished another baby blanket. I call it Sour Apple .And have now turned a UFO into a WIP. So we'll see how that goes. Trying to get things organized at home since The Death of Small Business is having great sales on storage totes.

I've decided...

I say that a lot. Anyway, my  newest decision is to improve my sewing skills so I can work with knit fabrics and then I want to make the designs in my head for clothing. I want to focus on tops, skirts and dresses for now. I want to include maternity, because I passionately hated all the maternity clothes I had bought of been given... so I said screw it all and just bought bigger sizes. Or wore my hubby's shirts.

I also have this great idea for a tote bag line, that I'm not ready to get into yet. Just trust me it's awesome.

Alpaca made me do it...

I've always avoided wools.... itchy, coarse, amd sometimes oily. But in wandering my local yarn shop (The Needlepoint Joint) I touched my first Alpaca yarn... (insert short sweet angel chorus and clouds parting)... it was soft squishy bulky baby alpaca blend from Plymouth Yarns... I fell in love. I didn't know an animal fiber yarn could feel like the soft part of a puppy's ear. I had read the review on it in a past issue of Interweave Crochet, but remained skeptical. Long story short: I bought some and will make myself a lovely winter wrap/shawl. I also found something else surprising. An array of wool blends that may convert me further. Don't get me wrong I am first and foremost a plant fiber and synthetic fan. That won't change, but there is now room in my stash for alpaca and possibly some wool blends.

Changes

I was going to write about something else entirely but I got to thinking not so long ago (approximately an hour ago) about how some people fall into life easily and others struggle with every concept. I've fallen in life as wife and mother very easily and at a young age, but career wise I consider my self a late bloomer... even a resistant one. I'm reflecting on the because several girlsin my age group I know are going thru divorces (and I see one in the future) and it's funny to me that thay say that they are 'finally happy' or 'coming into their own'. Why hasn't this happened to me.... am I really that different? Did I really grow up that fast? Don't get me wrong... I am incredibly happy to be married and be a mother, and won't change that. I don't long to be a mid-twenties divorcee running around like a chicken with my head cut off. It just makes me curious that so much of the best things to ever happen to me have fallen into my lap so to speak.

Pullip

I have recently become fascinated by the Pullip Dolls. They are beautiful, expressive, and I just bought my first one. I can't wait to get her. She's beautiful.. and I'm going to make clothing and accessories for her. But I think I'll buy her shoes instead of making them. I think I'm using it as escapism. Which I need. I'd like to build (or have my husband build) a doll house for my pullips and a seperate one for my Barbies... didn't I tell you I collect those too... but I'm very picky.. I only get the Irish ones or angels. Don't ask why, I don't have an answer.

At this moment

I'm trying to go back to school, fix my car, get a different job and follow dreams...  someone (it feels like everyone) has to throw a wrench in my happy... why.... I ask for help and what to I get.. lectures, bad omens.... all manners of foreboding. I know I've been a pain... I am a pain, but why can't 'they' see that I'm doing my best. I'm not amazing but dammit I'm doing my best. I'm trying really I am.

I'm working on another idea to help my work... don't hold your breath though these are MAJOR long shots.

Farmer's Market and Gardening

So I pulled my stuff out of Reenie's House, not because of any hard feelings, but because I'd put in almost $200 with nothing to show. I fully support local business (i'm working on it myself) but $200 is a lot of money and the location is not fabulous. The show could be somewhere better.

But speaking of local business. I am obsessed and fascinate by my local farmers market here in Ogden. I love everything about it. The fresh food, walking outside, being right on 25th St, all the crafters and artists. it's amazing. Hopefully next year I'll there selling my one-of-a-kind shawls, bags, beanies, and something I call "the tube"... more on that last thing later. I'm really thrilled to see how many people show up to support the whole deal. Have I mentioned how amazing 25th St is? Everyone should go.

Here are some pics from arounf my house and garden:

Business Wishlist

I've been thinking about everything that I could use for my businesses to grow, and here's what I've come up with so far:

1. a laptop with amazing memory and a wireless printer.
2. hire a professional organizer to get my studio space straightened out.
3. grant money so I can get the supplies I need to work on my art and accessories



This is a very basic needs list, and i'm sure it will all change as things go on.

I'm going to go back to school, for graphic arts and web design. I think learning those computer skills can open up more doors from me in multiple areas. Hopefully I can get enough financial aid.

More Etsy...

Handmade By Rogue my online store will have some new items listed as of today





I don't know if I'll get all of them listed, but I hope so.

Photo Delight

I found this site on an EASY marco photo studio box. It could be free if you have all the materials on hand. I plan to make one for myself to photograph beanies and my art work.... I may even experiment with sizing to hold larger things. EXCITED!

To add to it..

Like I don't have enough hair-brained ideas... I'm starting another blog.. but this one is an ongoing fictional 'novel' like thing. I got the idea from me not ever being brave enough to submit anything to a publisher, but a blog is a way to absolute affordable publish yourself. So that's what I'm doing. 25thststudio.wordpress.com. I haven't started the 'novel' yet.. ran out of time on the computer, but check back often.

In other news, Taboo had it's first show last night. It was a little rough, but that's ok. I wasn't expecting perfection. I left right after the show, no after parties for me. Not my scene.... especially when I don't really know anyone but for the girls in the group and I'm not a social person unless I have to be.

Finally on etsy!

This beautiful baby blanket is now available for sale here: Handmade by Rogue
It's hand done by yours truly.



It took a while to figure out how I was going to photograph it, but then the light inside was just perfect a couple days ago and I couldn't pass it up. My daughter was the perfect model... in more was than one. I consider quite regularly getting her into modeling, but without a vehicle it's just not feasible. My car is still grounded. Now to flickr and then ravelry

Daring to dream

I'm not greedy, I just want to do everything. I want to own my own businesses... that's right plural. I love variety, and get bored very easily. I'll tell you more as I get them going.....

Tonight is....

Nothing really extraordinary. I've been on a Harry Potter kick... my husband went to see the new one without me.... highly annoyed. Not only because we've gone to see them together since we've been together, but because well.... I miss going out on dates with him. Yes we're married, and happily, but that doesn't mean I don't still want to feel special. I'm not asking for champagne and a bed of rose petals (it'd be nice though) but simple 'romantic' things would be great every once in a while..
On another note, I finished the first baby blanket I've made in over a year. Looks great, I've also started another one. Hopefully I'll get it listed on my new etsy store soon, cause it's empty right now.

Next... I'm thinking about sucking it up and working at the Lighthouse for a little while... if they are willing to work with me. I'm not thrilled about the idea, cause I really want to go down the SLC to work, but the... uh, lack of running vehicle is a major setback. So we shall see.

Bright note: I'm teaching an 'exotic dance' workshop tomorrow. I'm really excited for it and very curious to see how this will all pan out.... maybe some sort of opportunity will come from this.
Second bright note: Taboo is putting on a show at Adult Dance and Fitness on August 14th. Somehow I ended up with 2 solos... that makes me a little nervous.

Where do I go from here?

I've been asking myself this a lot lately. How do I make a living from my hodgepodge loves? I don't do well in any normal 'job'. I want to write more.... but I can't even really formulate the words to say what it is that I'm feeling. I need time to think, but can I afford it? I'm up in Boise again this weekend... leave tomorrow morning-ish.

Ramblings

When did I post last? I don't even know. A few things have changed. I no longer work at Club Wet, and I'm going to Boise to work tomorrow. I actually may end up dancing there more often. It's a drive, but I like the energy up there, plus the place I want to work at down here has crazy scheduling demands that would seriously conflict with what I have going on (or not).

I am part of a brand new Burlesque/Dance group called Taboo. weare based out of Adult Dance and Fitness. I'm so very thrilled by how much we already have done, and what we are working on, but we are looking for fund raising ideas. And other help.

I've started a new store on etsy.... handmadebyrouge.etsy.com it's not stocked yet (go figure), but I also haven't finished everything with it.

Taboo

If I didn't do enough stuff, I am now a proud and very excited member of Taboo, a Burlesque/Dance Group that has not only singers and dancers, but Pole and Aerial Silk... I love it... really you have no idea how thrilled I am!

Where have I been?

I'm asking this because I'm not quite sure myself. There have been a lot of issues at work, I'm behind in my craft.. although I don't put deadlines on myself... I feel like I haven't accomplished much. Add to that the dwindling faith I have in my 'new' management and a lack of funds... all this leads to me now taking my first out of state trip to work. Am I nervous... you bet, but not for the reasons you may think. I've never been away from both my husband and my daughter. I've been one without the other... but not both. It's scary to leave them.

Garden

Pictures from my garden: Mind you my hubby does most (all) of the work, but it's still mine.





Hopefully these tomatoes will bear fruit!

Why a pole?

I've been think about pole dancing and why it causes such a stir. I believe that if it weren't a pole it'd just be something else. Really think about it...imagine if instead of a pole it were a swing (yes I know some strip clubs have swings), if it were gold standard to have a swing then dancing on or around it would be taboo. Stripping as we currently know it started in the 60s, it's not that old. The reasons behind it... well roads leading to it are ancient. Think about courtesan dancers, saloon girls, burlesque..... dance and sex have always seemed to go together. And men are voyeuristic.
I really believe that the stigma around pole dancing will lift, it'll take time.

Be Brave

Be brave enough to follow your bliss. I'm learning to do this even if it's in secret. Which it very much is at this point. Only 2 people knows really what I'm planning to do. And neither is my husband. I haven't told him because I'm afraid if I tell him I'll chicken out. I'm not going to tell you either. Fear of rejection or going completely unnoticed are very prominent, but the only real ramification is that nothing will change. And that really isn't bad. I could go on just as I am, but if I have the chance to chase down the dawn and realize something... why stand still? I know not everyone is meant for things like fame or money or even a happy ending, but I have to the feeling that I'm meant to do or be a part of something so much bigger than myself. I can't shake it, believe me I've tried. I love my life, but something.... just something.

Sinking in...

It's starting to sink in that I won something (even if it was only second place).

My friend who owns the pole dance studio and regular dance studio that I go to (Megan Burroughs) was recently interviewed by a local newspaper. She explained that women come into her studio looking for the feeling of sexy. This struck me, probably cause I never asked myself if I was looking for the same thing. The answer.... yes, but not so directly. I look for it in knowing I'm what I am capable of.. physical, mentally, emotionally, not from the direct feeling of being desired. I feel sexy after I get tattooed. I feel it when I'm dancing, because I'm in control. And of course when I mak-out with my husband. It's great to know you're desired... putting lustful thoughts in a man, but I don't live off it. I think people who are facsinated by women in the adult industry because it's so uncommon for women in the 'real' world to be open sexually. Women for centuries have been told that we're not supposed to enjoy sex. Or talk about it. Or that our needs aren't paramount. A woman who is comfortable enough with herself to expose that part of herself is a big deal. I'm not saying that I am free of insecurities (believe I'm not) but I accept myself as a whole.... if not all the parts. Sex is healthy. Wanting it, being comfortable with it, expressing it is OK. That's part of the reason why I can do my job. The other part to that is that I am married. You might wonder, "Why would that help?" Because I'm not seeking approval from men, I have a husband who is man enough to let me be myself. That's powerful, and fulfilling. He doesn't hold me back.. he let's me dream my dreams, talk my big talk, plan my sometimes fantastical plans and smiles all the way... or maybe he's laughing at me.... at any rate, he let's me be. I love him more for it. No one else has ever encouraged me like he has. I hope he knows how much that means to be. I don't think any woman should go into any part of the adult industry if you're uncomfortable or highly insecure with yourself. Confidence is the sexiest thing you can have.

Vindication!

I took 2nd in my division (intermediate) in Utah's First Pole Dance and Fitness Competition. It's vindicating on so many level. I'm glad it's over, believe me. But it's nice to know that I'm not a complete screw-up at something. I feel like I've done something. I know that sounds crazy, but it does feel like something huge. I got to perform... oh god.. I got to be on stage and let the music move me like I've missed so much! After a few seconds I forgot there were judges and thought of nothing but telling the story I hear in a song. Amazing. And to place... mind blowing really. I was soo surprised. I was really thinking I was hearing things. I'll pictures soon... and hopefully a clip of my performance. I feel almost invincible! Ok I'm done for now.

Searching for ...

Some many woman are searching for something. Some think it's the perfect man, the dream job, or what have you. But what if you are looking for sexy? What if what you are looking for in confidence in yourself... can that be found or bought? Can it be learned? I am asking this because of the a few things I have experienced in the last few years, and then having it compounded over the past couple months. Your inner self is sexy, why hide that. If you love what you do and who you are, nothing can stop you. If someone says 'no, you can't', smile and state, 'watch me'.
I want to write more on this but I'm going to take sometime to consider how I want to break down each section of this thought.... Confidence = Sexy.

I live on tips

You know, TIPS.... To Insure Proper Service. So why do people come to my bar and make me work for nothing? No tips, they just get want a free show. I don't get paid just for showing up. Imagine you're boss coming up to you and saying, 'I want you to do your job, but I'm not going to pay you for it, I just want to watch.' And you are supposed to be okay with that. Yeah, you might know how I feel. I know money is tight, but that doesn't mean you should stiff anyone who makes their living of tips... from waitress to dancer, anywhere.

A little of my side

I recently watched an episode of The Tyra show that was about the adult industry. I know that my bar is an exception, not the rule in strip clubs I have this huge desire to tell my side of the story. I'm not quite sure where to start first. Utah laws are very different and so is my personal story. I know a lot of people's opinions about me will change in doing this, but I really don't care. I'm just want to break down some of stereo-typing. Cause I see your face in reaction to the job and see it reflected in so many others. Is this job for every one, no, absolutely not, but neither is being a dentist. What makes me different? I'm happily married and have been since December of 2004. I have never cheated on my husband in the near 4 years I've been dancing, and I won't. I don't do drugs, and I don't even drink enough to be considered a 'social' drinker. I am a mother to a 3 year old girl, whom I get to be home with all day, her dad is with her when I work or on the rare occasion my mom. I am an avid artist and crafter. I crochet, knit, sew, and more. I have modeled and worked as a TV extra. I don't go out partying all night. I live a very quiet life. This is a job, not a lifestyle. Unless you make it one. I speak for myself, but I don't believe I am alone in this. I feel that some if not all the girls I work with would love the chance to tell their side.

I am in Utah's First Pole Dance Competition (www.misspoledanceutah.com). Taking the pole back, since it was originally an acrobatic circus act, until a gentleman's club in the UK put a pole in as a novelty.

Utah laws are different and strict. There are NO lap dances or private rooms in alcohol serving bars. The patrons cannot touch a dancer. It is all stage work, and we are not fully topless. We are to wear pasties and there a minimum size requirement for t-backs, or thong underwear. No touching of the breast with open palms is allowed. Hands must be 3 inches away from the genitals. We have to be licensed, but all that means is that we are legal to operate as a dancer, we are not required to take anything off. It is illegal for us to drink on the job and since January 2009 smoking is prohibited in all Bars and Clubs. These are just some of the rules, I can't name them all. even though I have to be very aware of them.

Look!

It's a Handmade Business card of sorts! I made it myself... go figure. But it makes me happy.

So i'm hooked.

Twitter. Dammit it's addicting and it's not even like I have followers, but it's instant and quick. Like texting. I've been pretty busy. I've been at home all week, but I have not been idle.
I have made like 8 beanies, started 2 scarves as samples for the patterns I plan to post on Etsy. I already have one pattern up for sale. I have great progress on 1 crocheted shawl and started on a knitted one. I have a new formula to try (not the short row one technique, it's a center outward triangle). I'm a little excited.. can you tell. I feel productive. Maybe once a quarter I should take a week off at just focus on my yarn, my art, my sewing.. my truest loves. Of course that includes dancing, but I had to skip that this week due to some very personal matter.

It feels like spring. Yes it does... FINALLY! I am done with winter. Have I said that before?

School or not to school.

Several of the girls at work are in school and I think I want to go, but then I don't. I question my patience and my discipline to go. I've started and stopped traditional college 3 times. I wonder if an accelerated program would be to my benefit, but can I afford it? (not really) Do I have time? (if I cut out everything else) And of course I must consider what to school in. I what I love, but how do I school in it, in a way theat will get me from start to finish. I love being creative and making things, but I don't know if art school is right for me since I'm not traditional in any real sense. That I don't realy like the idea of some art teacher telling me that I'm do 'it' wrong. Since when was there a 'wrong' in art? I'm not going to argue about it right now, but it is something to wonder about. Back to my original point. I went to the all mighty google and found a semi-local school (it's in Draper) That offer Culinary and Baking/Pastry classes. Baking I can do. But they want such an immediate commitment that it puts me off. Why can't I get the information with out someone wanting me to sign my life over right now. Does anyone know I have things to consider? Other schedules to work around. A life to live that may not let me go another road yet. Interest does not equal a commitment.... anyone whose dated knows that. I just want information to see what I'm up against.
Ok. I've ranted. Now I'm going to ravelry to play.

WIP

I finished that knitted shawl/blanket a week ago and started a crocheted shawl. I've made a lot of progress on it, but I am a much faster at crochet. I am using Lion Brand's Homespun in Sierra. It is super soft and cushy.





I've just learned of a new technique for making knitted shawls... short rows (see Spring 2009 issue of Interweave Knits). (cue angel chorus epiphany music) I had thought of use short rows to make hats, but never went past the initial thought, maybe someone out there will figure it out. But this was genius.... I hope to start working with this technique shortly (no pun intended). It requires math but I can do that... well at least the basics.

Pole Dancers

I am competing in a pole dancing competition... Utah First (Fetish: Battle of the Pole Dancers)

I am very excited about it, but then here comes the controversy:

• A Pole Dancing Surprise


• Up In Arms


• Threats to Shut Down

I am amazed at how uniformed people are. I hope I am give the opportunity to speak my piece.

Why must they discontinue?

If you don't know by know I Love yarn. I am 100% fiber lover. I always have at knitting or crochet project going (sometimes both at the same time), and picked up some new yarn recently (Mon, March 9 exactly.. don't ask me why I remember this stuff) at my local Robert's for a later project. I'm short a few skeins, which doesn't bother me... that's what the internet is for. So today, I jump online eagerly to scope out the best deal on the remaining yarn I need for the project when to my mild horror.... it's discontinued and every search for the yarn I try yields NOTHING! Tomorrow, I am going to go to Robert's and buy the last of what they got for that yarn.. no matter the color (for the most part) I make a stripe project is stead of a solid color... and if they're out.... To Ebay!

Spring = Hope

I finally sold something at the gift shop that I have been paying booth rent on for the past 3 months. Hooray! It's vindicating in a way. I'm not crazy. People do want quality handmade items. Also, the shop (Renie's House 835 N. Main St. Sunset, Ut 84015) is taking part is an Arts and Crafts Fair (I believe this is it: Simple Treasures). So come if you can.

Here's some more art: