Sinking in...

It's starting to sink in that I won something (even if it was only second place).

My friend who owns the pole dance studio and regular dance studio that I go to (Megan Burroughs) was recently interviewed by a local newspaper. She explained that women come into her studio looking for the feeling of sexy. This struck me, probably cause I never asked myself if I was looking for the same thing. The answer.... yes, but not so directly. I look for it in knowing I'm what I am capable of.. physical, mentally, emotionally, not from the direct feeling of being desired. I feel sexy after I get tattooed. I feel it when I'm dancing, because I'm in control. And of course when I mak-out with my husband. It's great to know you're desired... putting lustful thoughts in a man, but I don't live off it. I think people who are facsinated by women in the adult industry because it's so uncommon for women in the 'real' world to be open sexually. Women for centuries have been told that we're not supposed to enjoy sex. Or talk about it. Or that our needs aren't paramount. A woman who is comfortable enough with herself to expose that part of herself is a big deal. I'm not saying that I am free of insecurities (believe I'm not) but I accept myself as a whole.... if not all the parts. Sex is healthy. Wanting it, being comfortable with it, expressing it is OK. That's part of the reason why I can do my job. The other part to that is that I am married. You might wonder, "Why would that help?" Because I'm not seeking approval from men, I have a husband who is man enough to let me be myself. That's powerful, and fulfilling. He doesn't hold me back.. he let's me dream my dreams, talk my big talk, plan my sometimes fantastical plans and smiles all the way... or maybe he's laughing at me.... at any rate, he let's me be. I love him more for it. No one else has ever encouraged me like he has. I hope he knows how much that means to be. I don't think any woman should go into any part of the adult industry if you're uncomfortable or highly insecure with yourself. Confidence is the sexiest thing you can have.