Brick and Mortar

I really do dream of having my own brick and mortar shop. I have the vision of it so clear in my head that I can almost smell the air and hear my footsteps on the floor. I also see where I want it to go. But I haven't found the name, yet. It'll come to me I'm sure.. in the mean time I am still daydreaming and loosely planning.

Manic Monday

The work on the custom order is going great! About 3/4 to 4/5 of the way done. Moving swimming. Other things not so smooth. Work was rough. Physically and emotionally. I think a little bit of retail therapy may be in order. Mainly starting to get the pieces for my modular desk/workspace for at the studio and for my farmer's market booth.  New mod starts this month. I learn a brand new program: Adobe Illustrator. Exciting. Ok. I'm a little intimidated. More than a little. I'm not an illustrator. I don't draw. I craft and I write. So this feels very daunting. I'm sure I'll be fine. I'm kinda shaky today... probably caffeine overload from yesterday. Had one too many... maybe not enough? I'm done thinking at the moment.

Finally on etsy!

This beautiful baby blanket is now available for sale here: Handmade by Rogue
It's hand done by yours truly.



It took a while to figure out how I was going to photograph it, but then the light inside was just perfect a couple days ago and I couldn't pass it up. My daughter was the perfect model... in more was than one. I consider quite regularly getting her into modeling, but without a vehicle it's just not feasible. My car is still grounded. Now to flickr and then ravelry

Daring to dream

I'm not greedy, I just want to do everything. I want to own my own businesses... that's right plural. I love variety, and get bored very easily. I'll tell you more as I get them going.....

Where do I go from here?

I've been asking myself this a lot lately. How do I make a living from my hodgepodge loves? I don't do well in any normal 'job'. I want to write more.... but I can't even really formulate the words to say what it is that I'm feeling. I need time to think, but can I afford it? I'm up in Boise again this weekend... leave tomorrow morning-ish.

Ramblings

When did I post last? I don't even know. A few things have changed. I no longer work at Club Wet, and I'm going to Boise to work tomorrow. I actually may end up dancing there more often. It's a drive, but I like the energy up there, plus the place I want to work at down here has crazy scheduling demands that would seriously conflict with what I have going on (or not).

I am part of a brand new Burlesque/Dance group called Taboo. weare based out of Adult Dance and Fitness. I'm so very thrilled by how much we already have done, and what we are working on, but we are looking for fund raising ideas. And other help.

I've started a new store on etsy.... handmadebyrouge.etsy.com it's not stocked yet (go figure), but I also haven't finished everything with it.

Why a pole?

I've been think about pole dancing and why it causes such a stir. I believe that if it weren't a pole it'd just be something else. Really think about it...imagine if instead of a pole it were a swing (yes I know some strip clubs have swings), if it were gold standard to have a swing then dancing on or around it would be taboo. Stripping as we currently know it started in the 60s, it's not that old. The reasons behind it... well roads leading to it are ancient. Think about courtesan dancers, saloon girls, burlesque..... dance and sex have always seemed to go together. And men are voyeuristic.
I really believe that the stigma around pole dancing will lift, it'll take time.

Sinking in...

It's starting to sink in that I won something (even if it was only second place).

My friend who owns the pole dance studio and regular dance studio that I go to (Megan Burroughs) was recently interviewed by a local newspaper. She explained that women come into her studio looking for the feeling of sexy. This struck me, probably cause I never asked myself if I was looking for the same thing. The answer.... yes, but not so directly. I look for it in knowing I'm what I am capable of.. physical, mentally, emotionally, not from the direct feeling of being desired. I feel sexy after I get tattooed. I feel it when I'm dancing, because I'm in control. And of course when I mak-out with my husband. It's great to know you're desired... putting lustful thoughts in a man, but I don't live off it. I think people who are facsinated by women in the adult industry because it's so uncommon for women in the 'real' world to be open sexually. Women for centuries have been told that we're not supposed to enjoy sex. Or talk about it. Or that our needs aren't paramount. A woman who is comfortable enough with herself to expose that part of herself is a big deal. I'm not saying that I am free of insecurities (believe I'm not) but I accept myself as a whole.... if not all the parts. Sex is healthy. Wanting it, being comfortable with it, expressing it is OK. That's part of the reason why I can do my job. The other part to that is that I am married. You might wonder, "Why would that help?" Because I'm not seeking approval from men, I have a husband who is man enough to let me be myself. That's powerful, and fulfilling. He doesn't hold me back.. he let's me dream my dreams, talk my big talk, plan my sometimes fantastical plans and smiles all the way... or maybe he's laughing at me.... at any rate, he let's me be. I love him more for it. No one else has ever encouraged me like he has. I hope he knows how much that means to be. I don't think any woman should go into any part of the adult industry if you're uncomfortable or highly insecure with yourself. Confidence is the sexiest thing you can have.

Searching for ...

Some many woman are searching for something. Some think it's the perfect man, the dream job, or what have you. But what if you are looking for sexy? What if what you are looking for in confidence in yourself... can that be found or bought? Can it be learned? I am asking this because of the a few things I have experienced in the last few years, and then having it compounded over the past couple months. Your inner self is sexy, why hide that. If you love what you do and who you are, nothing can stop you. If someone says 'no, you can't', smile and state, 'watch me'.
I want to write more on this but I'm going to take sometime to consider how I want to break down each section of this thought.... Confidence = Sexy.