Tonight is....

Nothing really extraordinary. I've been on a Harry Potter kick... my husband went to see the new one without me.... highly annoyed. Not only because we've gone to see them together since we've been together, but because well.... I miss going out on dates with him. Yes we're married, and happily, but that doesn't mean I don't still want to feel special. I'm not asking for champagne and a bed of rose petals (it'd be nice though) but simple 'romantic' things would be great every once in a while..
On another note, I finished the first baby blanket I've made in over a year. Looks great, I've also started another one. Hopefully I'll get it listed on my new etsy store soon, cause it's empty right now.

Next... I'm thinking about sucking it up and working at the Lighthouse for a little while... if they are willing to work with me. I'm not thrilled about the idea, cause I really want to go down the SLC to work, but the... uh, lack of running vehicle is a major setback. So we shall see.

Bright note: I'm teaching an 'exotic dance' workshop tomorrow. I'm really excited for it and very curious to see how this will all pan out.... maybe some sort of opportunity will come from this.
Second bright note: Taboo is putting on a show at Adult Dance and Fitness on August 14th. Somehow I ended up with 2 solos... that makes me a little nervous.

Sinking in...

It's starting to sink in that I won something (even if it was only second place).

My friend who owns the pole dance studio and regular dance studio that I go to (Megan Burroughs) was recently interviewed by a local newspaper. She explained that women come into her studio looking for the feeling of sexy. This struck me, probably cause I never asked myself if I was looking for the same thing. The answer.... yes, but not so directly. I look for it in knowing I'm what I am capable of.. physical, mentally, emotionally, not from the direct feeling of being desired. I feel sexy after I get tattooed. I feel it when I'm dancing, because I'm in control. And of course when I mak-out with my husband. It's great to know you're desired... putting lustful thoughts in a man, but I don't live off it. I think people who are facsinated by women in the adult industry because it's so uncommon for women in the 'real' world to be open sexually. Women for centuries have been told that we're not supposed to enjoy sex. Or talk about it. Or that our needs aren't paramount. A woman who is comfortable enough with herself to expose that part of herself is a big deal. I'm not saying that I am free of insecurities (believe I'm not) but I accept myself as a whole.... if not all the parts. Sex is healthy. Wanting it, being comfortable with it, expressing it is OK. That's part of the reason why I can do my job. The other part to that is that I am married. You might wonder, "Why would that help?" Because I'm not seeking approval from men, I have a husband who is man enough to let me be myself. That's powerful, and fulfilling. He doesn't hold me back.. he let's me dream my dreams, talk my big talk, plan my sometimes fantastical plans and smiles all the way... or maybe he's laughing at me.... at any rate, he let's me be. I love him more for it. No one else has ever encouraged me like he has. I hope he knows how much that means to be. I don't think any woman should go into any part of the adult industry if you're uncomfortable or highly insecure with yourself. Confidence is the sexiest thing you can have.

A little of my side

I recently watched an episode of The Tyra show that was about the adult industry. I know that my bar is an exception, not the rule in strip clubs I have this huge desire to tell my side of the story. I'm not quite sure where to start first. Utah laws are very different and so is my personal story. I know a lot of people's opinions about me will change in doing this, but I really don't care. I'm just want to break down some of stereo-typing. Cause I see your face in reaction to the job and see it reflected in so many others. Is this job for every one, no, absolutely not, but neither is being a dentist. What makes me different? I'm happily married and have been since December of 2004. I have never cheated on my husband in the near 4 years I've been dancing, and I won't. I don't do drugs, and I don't even drink enough to be considered a 'social' drinker. I am a mother to a 3 year old girl, whom I get to be home with all day, her dad is with her when I work or on the rare occasion my mom. I am an avid artist and crafter. I crochet, knit, sew, and more. I have modeled and worked as a TV extra. I don't go out partying all night. I live a very quiet life. This is a job, not a lifestyle. Unless you make it one. I speak for myself, but I don't believe I am alone in this. I feel that some if not all the girls I work with would love the chance to tell their side.

I am in Utah's First Pole Dance Competition (www.misspoledanceutah.com). Taking the pole back, since it was originally an acrobatic circus act, until a gentleman's club in the UK put a pole in as a novelty.

Utah laws are different and strict. There are NO lap dances or private rooms in alcohol serving bars. The patrons cannot touch a dancer. It is all stage work, and we are not fully topless. We are to wear pasties and there a minimum size requirement for t-backs, or thong underwear. No touching of the breast with open palms is allowed. Hands must be 3 inches away from the genitals. We have to be licensed, but all that means is that we are legal to operate as a dancer, we are not required to take anything off. It is illegal for us to drink on the job and since January 2009 smoking is prohibited in all Bars and Clubs. These are just some of the rules, I can't name them all. even though I have to be very aware of them.