Where do I go from here?

I've been asking myself this a lot lately. How do I make a living from my hodgepodge loves? I don't do well in any normal 'job'. I want to write more.... but I can't even really formulate the words to say what it is that I'm feeling. I need time to think, but can I afford it? I'm up in Boise again this weekend... leave tomorrow morning-ish.

Ramblings

When did I post last? I don't even know. A few things have changed. I no longer work at Club Wet, and I'm going to Boise to work tomorrow. I actually may end up dancing there more often. It's a drive, but I like the energy up there, plus the place I want to work at down here has crazy scheduling demands that would seriously conflict with what I have going on (or not).

I am part of a brand new Burlesque/Dance group called Taboo. weare based out of Adult Dance and Fitness. I'm so very thrilled by how much we already have done, and what we are working on, but we are looking for fund raising ideas. And other help.

I've started a new store on etsy.... handmadebyrouge.etsy.com it's not stocked yet (go figure), but I also haven't finished everything with it.

Taboo

If I didn't do enough stuff, I am now a proud and very excited member of Taboo, a Burlesque/Dance Group that has not only singers and dancers, but Pole and Aerial Silk... I love it... really you have no idea how thrilled I am!

Where have I been?

I'm asking this because I'm not quite sure myself. There have been a lot of issues at work, I'm behind in my craft.. although I don't put deadlines on myself... I feel like I haven't accomplished much. Add to that the dwindling faith I have in my 'new' management and a lack of funds... all this leads to me now taking my first out of state trip to work. Am I nervous... you bet, but not for the reasons you may think. I've never been away from both my husband and my daughter. I've been one without the other... but not both. It's scary to leave them.

Garden

Pictures from my garden: Mind you my hubby does most (all) of the work, but it's still mine.





Hopefully these tomatoes will bear fruit!

Why a pole?

I've been think about pole dancing and why it causes such a stir. I believe that if it weren't a pole it'd just be something else. Really think about it...imagine if instead of a pole it were a swing (yes I know some strip clubs have swings), if it were gold standard to have a swing then dancing on or around it would be taboo. Stripping as we currently know it started in the 60s, it's not that old. The reasons behind it... well roads leading to it are ancient. Think about courtesan dancers, saloon girls, burlesque..... dance and sex have always seemed to go together. And men are voyeuristic.
I really believe that the stigma around pole dancing will lift, it'll take time.

Be Brave

Be brave enough to follow your bliss. I'm learning to do this even if it's in secret. Which it very much is at this point. Only 2 people knows really what I'm planning to do. And neither is my husband. I haven't told him because I'm afraid if I tell him I'll chicken out. I'm not going to tell you either. Fear of rejection or going completely unnoticed are very prominent, but the only real ramification is that nothing will change. And that really isn't bad. I could go on just as I am, but if I have the chance to chase down the dawn and realize something... why stand still? I know not everyone is meant for things like fame or money or even a happy ending, but I have to the feeling that I'm meant to do or be a part of something so much bigger than myself. I can't shake it, believe me I've tried. I love my life, but something.... just something.